Fall Down, Get Up Again
— John Connor

Ah yes, I’m starting this week’s column with a headline that’s a conundrum (that is, if the ol’ editor lets me keep it). That’s because I’m starting with a slang word. I’ve checked, and it seems that the main…

Who’d have thought of the following shenanigans? It only took four days of constant badgering to fix. Last summer brought exceptional (actually, likely to be semi-regular from now on) hot weather in the U.K., with parts of England…

So I’m back home. Four months’ worth of bureaucracy lay in front of me. In truth, quite a wodge had grown before I went into the hospital. Hey, I hadn’t been well in the months leading up to…

I’m worried that my tales of recovery may have gotten a tad boring, so let me liven things up with the weirdest thing I now have to live with. The head of my “thing” has been sliced half an…

Ceilings. Oh yeah, I’ve become quite the expert on ceilings. If you spend much of your life prostrate, it’s hard not to. The very first column I wrote for Multiple Sclerosis News Today opened with this very…

COVID-19 had finally left me. Its only trace was a pair of slimy hands. For a month, I requested a towel in bed to wipe them dry. My wife, Jane, told me my hands were fine; my…

It transpired that I’d gone and fallen at the worst possible time, landing myself in the midst of a major news story. I’d been aware that what had toppled me was most probably my persistent urinary tract infections…

If you haven’t read last week’s column (ah, another discerning nonreader), all you need to know is that I’m in a pain sandwich very much of my own making. And this was an improvement! I’d rather be turned…

Things had been more than dodgy for the past three days. My right shoulder had gone into complete spasm, and even diazepam couldn’t relax it. I’d also upped my antibiotics as instructed. Nada. As ever, I shouldered on…

If you noticed my sudden disappearance, it wasn’t because I was sacked. Surprising, I know. Just “MS MIA” — missing in action with multiple sclerosis. While raving in the hospital, I was suddenly moved to my own private…

In the five years I’ve been tapping away at this multiple sclerosis (MS) column for MS News Today, I’ve so far written during one FIFA World Cup. My oft used trope is that “it’s football, not…

First off, let me apologize for my penchant for using hip literary references. Not everyone is aware of Joseph Heller’s seminal satirical novel published in 1961, which spawned the book’s title of “Catch-22” as a quick-fire phrase to…

You get used to … Hold on there, matey boy. Be honest and write “I.” This column has a reputation for brutal honesty (I’m sure someone has referred to it that way over the past five years), so don’t…

The call from my urologist’s office came far later than I was expecting, in regards to my long-term chronic urinary tract infection (UTI). The call came in on my home phone, but luckily, someone else was around to…

Ah, one of the classic setups for a Christmas cracker joke. Others include, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” and “How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb?” While these gags are popular in Britain, I’m…

“You married a husband and ended up with a child,” quipped I. It was first thing Sunday morning, and I was addressing my wife of 30 years, Jane. She stood with blue, latex, hypoallergenic gloves on her hands,…

Ah, after living the majority of the last three years of my life indoors, I do tend to spark conversation with my carers. But if I keep quiet, they’re more than happy to do so, too, as they repetitively…

There are moments in life that have surprising effects on us. I’ve had two. The first was when I was about 9, and my mother informed me that my headmaster had been told I’d disappeared after school. Fair enough…

The constant light in my cell burned through my eyelids all night. Every night for days now. Prostrate on my back, I couldn’t even turn over to get away from it. Why me? I knew nothing. Wasn’t part of…

Once upon a time, children, there was a very grumpy bear who kept a low-level, incessant growl going all day. And often, well into the night, too. If his family were lucky, this would only last about a week,…