I am a positive person with not-so-positive moments. These moments don’t quantify my essence. Nevertheless, they sure try. I work hard to keep the negativity at bay, but I don’t always succeed.
As I write, I’m overcome with pain and fatigue. This is not the exception but the rule. But if you ask how I am, I’ll say I’m all right. I must. I narrate what I do hope to feel. I answer what I so wish would exist.
I lie to survive. My dirty little secret is out.
There’s no day, no hour, and no moment without pain. Pain wakes me up, and pain medications help me sleep. Pain levels dictate my life. Nevertheless, I find myself happy. I live with gratitude, and I thank God for my blessings.
How can pain and gratitude coexist? How do we find that beacon of light when lost in the dark?
That beacon of light is there within you. It is your attitude.
The choice to keep an attitude of gratitude has been my salvation. It’s not easy, and some days it’s virtually impossible. Our attitude is worth the time it takes to cultivate. For years, I have kept a gratitude journal. Some days the entry is long, while other times, it’s just one word.
Pain, fatigue, and stress confound my senses. My body is no match for progressive MS. My brain, however, is ready to fight. And I fight like hell.
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