This year has been a lot for me to deal with. It’s held more grief, trauma, and growing pains for me than any year before it. And it all started with a relapse of my relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) that came after nearly nine years of remission following my…
relationships
There’s a kind of loneliness that comes from being almost understood — close enough for someone to recognize your outline, but not close enough to feel your weight. It’s a loneliness that doesn’t creep in all at once. It settles slowly, the way dust gathers on a shelf you thought…
The holidays tend to arrive with a mix of excitement and stress, even for people without a chronic illness. But for those of us living with multiple sclerosis (MS), the season can feel like its own kind of marathon, full of expectations, overscheduling, symptoms that flare when we least…
November feels like an inhale that hasn’t yet decided whether to sigh or sing. The mornings are quieter now, the air cooler, and for the first time in months, I also feel more peaceful. On the other side of a recent relapse with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis, facing…
I was probably never as outgoing or sociable as some people, but there was a time when I genuinely enjoyed most social activities. I was the guy who, by the time a long flight was over, had made at least two new friends and was invited to someone’s wedding. Even…
A third of adults live with chronic physical conditions such as multiple sclerosis (MS), but in most cases these conditions aren’t obvious to others — and many people downplay their impact to avoid making those around them uncomfortable. That’s according to a new report from Convatec, a medical…
Life wasn’t just good; it was great. I had the perfect balance of a successful career, a wonderful family, and great friends. After earning an engineering degree and a Master of Business Administration, I launched a rewarding career in the technology industry. I was a leader in my community, was…
During my hospital stay earlier this year, all I could think about was the relief that would come when I finally went home. I pictured sinking into my own bed, exhaling for the first time in weeks, catching up with all that had happened inside my body. I needed…
Living with multiple sclerosis (MS) often means constantly balancing what your body needs with what your life demands. Some days you’re managing symptoms like fatigue, while other days you’re trying to keep up with work, relationships, and other responsibilities that don’t pause for flare-ups or doctor appointments. Amid all…
Living with multiple sclerosis (MS) has changed almost every part of my life, which sometimes feels overwhelming. Simple tasks are more complex than before. One thing that has helped me cope is being a dog mom. I have a 12-year-old rescue dog that we adopted in 2014. He is…
I celebrated my mid-century birthday two weeks ago with an online dance party with friends, family, and patients in “The Myelin Room” — a monthly Zoom event. At 50, I’ve officially grown up. I no longer think of myself as a “girl.” The more dignified “woman” feels more appropriate.
If I were to ask a random person to name the favorite catchphrase of Charles M. Schulz’s character Charlie Brown, the answer would almost invariably be “Oh, good grief!” Although Charlie used it for any number of situations and possibly in place of something stronger, he may have had a…
Last week’s column almost didn’t happen. I’m trying out a new-to-me medication for cognitive issues, and it affected my writing process. About halfway down that medication’s list of possible side effects was “abnormal dreams,” reported by 10% or less of users. As luck would have it, I’m in that…
A couple months ago, my partner and I took a 5-week-old kitten into our home. The decision was somewhat impulsive because we didn’t intend to adopt a kitten. We’d wanted an adult cat, because we were concerned that my resident cat, Lucky, wouldn’t take well to a new friend.
I tend to be a pretty reserved guy. I don’t yell myself hoarse at my children’s sporting events or shout advice to athletes that I happen to be watching live or on TV. I don’t scream, “Look behind you!” or “Don’t go in there!” to characters in a movie either.
The night before I was supposed to teach an autoimmune nutrition class, I reentered a role I thought I’d finally outgrown. Instead of educating other practitioners in the functional medicine space, I found myself in the emergency room, listing symptoms I couldn’t fully untangle or explain. I wasn’t there…
Someone bumped into the footrest of my wheelchair at a crowded venue recently. They immediately stopped and apologized — which doesn’t always happen — and I quickly explained that they’d hit only a part of my chair and not me. This response prompted a pause, a look of concern, and…
Comparison is generally considered an innate human tendency, whether we realize it or not. And it’s not necessarily a negative phenomenon, though we often think of it that way. However, comparison does have the potential to be a complex emotional process, especially in the context of living with multiple…
For many Americans, the July 4 holiday is a joyful celebration filled with fireworks, barbecues, parades, and time spent outdoors with family and friends. However, for me, it can present unique challenges due to my multiple sclerosis (MS). From heat sensitivity and sensory overload to difficulty participating in…
Dear current me, Not that long ago, I wrote a letter to our younger self, newly diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS). That letter was intended to let her know that her diagnosis was not the end-all, be-all and wouldn’t take away from the beautiful and…
No one likes being volunteered against their will — especially when the person doing the volunteering uses the word “we.” I’m sure there’s a similar phrase in every language, but in English, a common reply is, “What do you mean ‘we’? Is there a mouse in your pocket?” I’m…
Bouts of heightened anxiety come in forceful waves and hit me like a freight train. I live with a baseline level of anxiety, but at times, it worsens for no specific reason. All I know is that it’s one of the worst feelings. Anxiety is a common phenomenon in…
One of the most essential parts of living with multiple sclerosis (MS) is building support systems. They offer practical help, but better yet, they also consider and foster our emotional survival. MS is full of unknowns and can thus be characterized as unpredictable. But one thing we can predict…
It’s official: This is the year I aged — physically, emotionally, visibly. With menopause on the horizon and multiple sclerosis (MS) quietly lurking in the background, I’ve been thinking a lot about how best to care for my brain, body, and beyond. Aside from the 3 a.m. hot flash…
Who hasn’t found themselves in the following situation? A loose acquaintance, or even a total stranger, strikes up a conversation with you, and at first it’s just pleasant small talk. Then there’s the pause. Those of us who have been living with a disability for a while know what’s coming…
Women with multiple sclerosis (MS) who have a close friend to confide in experience better physical and mental health outcomes than women without this kind of relationship, a study reports. As well as higher rates of depression and anxiety symptoms, women who did not have a confidant had worse…
On May 10, surrounded by my loved ones, I received my Master of Arts in educational psychology from the University of Texas at Austin. As I heard the words of love and encouragement from my family and friends, I realized just how difficult my educational journey has been because of…
To say that I was the last person on Earth to get a smartphone would be a gross exaggeration. I was a little slow to adopt the technology back when it was new, but now, my phone seems to be my constant companion. It’s a little hard to think of…
Last week, something unexpected happened during one of my shared medical visits with patients. I wasn’t expecting shame to show up. We were deep in conversation about how a diagnosis can unravel a person’s identity and how grief often follows when our sense of self begins to slip away.
Intimacy and sexuality among people with multiple sclerosis (MS) will be the focus of this year’s Holistic Health and Wellness Forum for MS, presented by Yoga Moves MS — a U.S. program aiming to improve quality of life for those with neuromuscular conditions — on May 21 in Michigan…