December 23, 2022 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell I’m Giving Myself the Gift of Grace This Christmas The ballerina twirls in the late afternoon light. As if on cue, Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker” suite begins to play. I’mĀ lost in the dimly lit ornaments as my mind wanders. I fall into a deep nostalgia. My mind is a montage of Christmases past. My 6-year-old self follows my dad as we…
November 4, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell When Loss Is Expected, How Do We Cope? It is hard to watch the decline in real time. It happens before my very eyes. Like “Groundhog Day,” I wake, I try, and I do. I persevere because that is who I am. I push past the chaos in my body. I don’t see every new pain as…
October 21, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Overcoming My Fear of Concerts With a Little Help From the Rolling Stones As the music started, the crowd stood and cheered. I followed suit. Well, almost. I stood with more intention than balance. And as I did, I veered toward the person seated in the next row. Hello, secondary progressive MS. Two years ago, I went to see Paul McCartney at Dodger…
September 23, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Emotional and Physical Pain Are My Unwanted Sidekicks Pain is the consummate four-letter word. I have felt pain in the most primal of ways. The emotional chasm of grief in my soul. The physical torture of pain in my body. Pain is unyielding in its relentless torment. It remains the quagmire I fail to solve. Life with…
September 9, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell As My Disease Progresses, I Choose to Grow I watch my multiple sclerosis progress. I see it progress in moments of defeat. I think of it when I fall. I curse it when I break or canāt open things. I grieve over it when my body fails me. I watch as my independence slips away like…
August 26, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell When Restless Legs Syndrome Won’t Leave You Alone The light of the television screen illuminates the darkness. I want so much to sleep, but my body has other plans. After a hot shower and multiple medications, my legs continue to dance. The constant ache, twitch, and kick are a rhythmic routine. But my body is tired and…
August 12, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Next Time, Ask Me Why I Need an Accessible Parking Placard To the person who left the note on my windshield: I wish you would have asked. I would have told you that I have secondary progressive multiple sclerosis, a neurological disease that impairs my ability to walk. My MS has worsened over time and will continue to progress. I can’t…
July 29, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell MS Doesn’t Get to Decide Whether We Are Enough “Change is the only constant in life,” a quote paraphrased from Greek philosopher Heraclitus states. This ancient wisdom still prevails today. Life is in a constant flux. We evolve, we grow, and we shift, and we are never the same. When I suffer, I cling to this knowledge. And…
July 22, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Are You Prepared for a Fall? I sit amid the flood of carpet stain remover. My left leg is elongated as my right leg is at a jackknife. The cool of the fluid penetrates my sweats. Shock dissipates into pain. I try to move, but pain sears down toward my tailbone. I sit in the dark…
July 15, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell I Am Proud of the Disability I Once Feared I feared becoming disabled more than I feared multiple sclerosis. At the time of my diagnosis, I was moving about well enough. My mobility changed as my disease progressed. My severe foot drop, unsteady gait, and change in speech were impossible to ignore. My prejudice toward the disabled was…
June 24, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Choosing to Be Kind to Yourself Is as Easy as Making a Decision Before turning away, I made sure to compliment my kind eyes. The green of the hazel in my eyes danced in the sunlight. The lines at the outer edges of my eyes tightened as I smiled. The crow’s-feet are an indelible reminder of the abundance of joy in my…
June 17, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell How to Make Summer Sizzle Without the Heat (and Symptoms) Summertime is synonymous with long days of warmth, coastal sunsets, boating, and barbecues. A montage of my teenage self at sailing camp, pool parties, and beach bonfires plays to Loggins and Messina, Jackson Browne, and the Eagles. The unrequited crushes on sailing instructors to my first kiss … those…
June 10, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Are You Overdosed on Toxic Positivity? Take the #RealTalkRare Challenge Has anyone ever told you to be thankful that things aren’t worse after you’ve received upsetting news? Have you ever felt pressured by others to be grateful, even in the most difficult circumstances? It’s happened to me more times than I can remember. I now understand…
May 20, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Get Out of Your Own Way: Growth at 36,000 Feet I find peace at 36,000 feet. Quasi-calm. My surroundings and I move in unison with little friction. The hum of the Boeing 737 lulls me to sleep. Tranquility is a powerful provocateur when turbulence is your norm, a juxtaposition to the bed of billowy clouds below. As if…
May 13, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Confessions of an MS Ableist: Change Begins With Me Life is composed of little awakenings. These epiphanies broaden our horizons. Each invites us to become better versions of ourselves. And while not always welcome, most are necessary for growth. I recently flew across the country to the corporate office of BioNews, the company I work for that…
April 29, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell As an Unlikely Warrior, I Must Be Genuine About My SPMS I am the unlikeliest of warriors. Being called one makes me a little uncomfortable. While I appreciate the sentiment, I feel unworthy of the title. A warrior chooses to battle independent of circumstance. I do so because it is my only option. Multiple sclerosis calls me to fight. Perhaps in…
April 22, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Coming Full Circle in My Relationship With My Mother She held me in a fierce hug. It had been a year since I had held my mother so closely. I rested my chin on her shoulder and silently thanked God. As I looked up, my eyes met hers. I knew what question was coming, along with the weight of…
April 15, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell To Ease My Suffering, I Had to Shift My Perspective, Not My Pain Levels Many believe pain and suffering are interchangeable. While they can and often do coexist, one is not reliant on the other. Pain can occur with or without suffering, and the inverse is true. Physiological, psychological, and psychosocial factors influence our experience with each. The meanings and relationships of these three…
April 1, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell To Define My Reality With MS, I Choose Optimism I am an optimist in a pessimistic world. A fish out of water. I hold hope to ward off messages of defeat. In a world rife with suffering, hope is essential for soul survival. In my world with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis, it has been my saving grace.
March 25, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Management through meditation: Balance can happen with MS Last updated April 25, 2023 Expectations equal resentment. It’s simple logic, yet profoundly true. Each time I set an expectation for myself or someone else, I set myself up for a potential letdown. Resentment happens as a byproduct of disappointment, despite the best intentions. As my multiple sclerosis (MS)…
March 18, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Excising the Complaints in My Life Helps Me Manage MS I failed the complaint challenge. The goal was to go 24 hours without complaining ā no complaining about anything. Yet while the objective is commendable, a win is nearly impossible. I’m not much of a complainer, and I still fell short. I’d venture to say that many others would, too,…
March 4, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Learning to Ride Along With the Ebbs and Flows of Multiple Sclerosis I am uncomfortable amid ambiguity and unknowns. I find myself searching for rationale when, at times, none exists. I crave clarity yet mostly exist amid the fogginess of MS. I live this way literally and figuratively. My lack of clarity grows with the wait for the COVID-19 vaccine. When I…
February 18, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell On Rare Disease Day, I’m Celebrating Being Extraordinarily Ordinary Rare ā adjective Not occurring very often; uncommon Unusually good or remarkable On Feb. 28, the world will celebrate international Rare Disease Day. A rare disease is one that affects fewer than 200,000 people in the U.S. Almost 7,000 rare or orphan diseases meet the criteria to be considered…
February 11, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell My Fear of Failure Blocked Me From Both Risks and Rewards Bravado is lost in the blink of an eye. Self-doubt erodes certitude until we find that our default modus operandi is to refuse. Opportunities, happiness, possibilities, and growth seem to pass. This no-risk mentality brings no reward. Chronic illness is a breeding ground for skepticism. We live in a world…
January 28, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell To Thrive With SPMS, I’m Learning to Accept All of My Emotions Optimism is kryptonite to the fear and doubt I keep inside. I am grateful for my cheerful disposition because it allows me to maintain balance. But balance is not healing. Left alone, those feelings that I fear ultimately fester. I tend to push aside sadness or frustration. I…
January 21, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Comparing Ourselves With Others Doesn’t Improve Our Symptoms Almost every characteristic of multiple sclerosis differs for each of us who has the disease. While we share commonalities inherent to multiple sclerosis that make us similar to one another, much about the way our disease manifests is unique. This is why MS is sometimes referred to as the “…
January 7, 2021 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Positioning Myself to Embrace Change There is something poetic about transitioning to a new year. It’s the melancholy of farewell fused with hopeful expectancy, the bittersweet juxtaposition of closing one door while opening another. Yet for a moment, I am noncommittal. With one foot in each year, I eventually shift my weight from 2020…
December 17, 2020 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell What Do You See When You See Me? If I were using a wheelchair, would you question why I use a handicapped placard? Perhaps some (or all) of the condemnation I now receive would diminish. Maybe the notes left on my windshield would not be written. Perchance, it might temper some of the ugly comments spoken to my…
December 3, 2020 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Reflecting on a Year of Blessings in My Life With SPMS The holiday season has always been a time of reflection. The year passes by in a montage of memories. I am reminded of the past 11 months. The highs and the lows. My hopes and my aspirations. Those lives that have been lost and those that have just begun.
November 12, 2020 Columns by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Fighting Through Grief While Moving Forward Overachieving is my jam. Go big or go home. I strive to be the best at whatever it is I do. Currently, I am achieving greatness in my ability to fall. Three falls in three weeks is a new record. The first one happened in the kitchen. Upon feeling myself…