Santa Is on a Secret Mission

John Connor avatar

by John Connor |

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heat, quiet, hotel, covid-19

This would be Santa’s third year as a disabled, magical creature.

He seemed to be the only one but took some comfort that even the mighty Avengers had taken a few casualties. Not a Christian thought for someone who was once considered a saint. However, illness had ground down his rosy outlook somewhat. And hey, the Avengers are fictional characters, so his was only a thought crime. A fairly serious offense in some disappeared (thankfully) human institutions.

He wasn’t about to fly over the only one left: North Korea. They might be unable to shoot him down, but all of those rockets going off would cause a diplomatic incident.

He found a clandestine visit useful. North Korea was rumored to be one of the few countries where marijuana was totally legal. And he could now sneak in relatively easily; forgoing the billions of mince pies and tanker loads of whiskey last Christmas had slimmed him down. Only one corpulent person was allowed in that regime.

Medical marijuana had turned out to be wonderful for his multiple sclerosis. Admittedly, it was only a short-term lift. It helped him to fall asleep for his hibernation and severely reduced his symptoms for a few hours. Being stoned also fit right in with his persona of being very happy, yet distracted, and constantly nibbling on whatever Christmas fudges, candies, or gingerbread people (the North Pole was now “woke”) that he could procure.

Uruguay had also legalized the stuff five years ago, but that was a Christian country and he’d be required to be on duty. Weirdly, North Korea had become Santa’s holiday destination of choice.

The Secret Service followed him everywhere with his elves — on their invisible setting as befitted a secret mission — in pursuit. Santa was perfectly safe!

Now the only thing left to sort for Christmas was which reindeer he’d have to hook up to his magical wheelchair. As he was Father Christmas, the chair was powered by magic and could fly on its own. However, trade unions still existed in his realm; it took eons for changes in the real world to impinge on this imaginary one. Once the reindeers got organized, the rest of the kingdom had learned not to mess with them — Santa included!

Rudolph was the latest, and indeed the brightest, reindeer, and Santa decided this would cause the least disruption.

So, on Christmas night, the sleigh, reindeer, and presents were ready for takeoff.

Next to it was Rudolph with his bright red nose attached to Santa’s wheelchair.

In the wheelchair sat Santa — he didn’t have a bright red nose, but he was very jolly with his North Korean-sourced bright red spliff!

It was going to be a very merry Christmas!


Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.


Daniel avatar


Ride on Santa! Have a relaxing end to the year, but not toooooo relaxed mind you.

Kathleen Fulghum avatar

Kathleen Fulghum

Many thanks for your wonderful column, John! wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and Happy and Healthy 2020.

Carolyn avatar


Thank you, John. I'm looking at the thought of WC travel too in the coming months!
So, tally ho!


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