I learn a new lesson about not feeling guilty when good things come my way

When I began this column about living with multiple sclerosis (MS) nearly four years ago, I worried about sharing good things in my life and about comparing my situation with that of others. It made me feel guilty.

After writing about it, though, the feedback I received from the MS community was so positive that I thought I was free from ever having those feelings again.

Unfortunately, those old worries never completely went away.

Last week, I wrote about my search for a new wheelchair-accessible vehicle to accommodate my disability. The minivan I use now no longer suits the needs of a family of five, but I struggled to make the point that we were looking for an upgrade in terms of size and comfort.

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It didn’t occur to me until later that the reason I struggled to communicate that idea was because it made me feel guilty. I didn’t want to sound like I was bragging by sharing good news and being happy about being happy.

Then, I fell right into the very same logical fallacy I warned about in my second column from four years ago. I had the irrational notion that anything I said about getting a new van — beyond being thankful we already had an accessible vehicle — wasn’t valid because there were people who didn’t have a vehicle at all.

Believe me, I am very thankful that there even is such a thing as a wheelchair van, and that I was able to get one in the first place. I’m also happy that there are resources available for my family to get one better suited to us, and I realize now that there is no reason to mute that joy.

In tough situations, it can feel wrong or even a little indecent to talk about a better one. Living with a disease like MS definitely counts as a tough situation, and even though I know better, I still find myself reluctant to share anything good going on in my life. If I turn that logic on its head, I should never wish anyone a happy birthday because, given that it’s not mine, celebrating someone else’s birthday wouldn’t bring me any joy. Except that it does.

In fact, sharing happy moments seems to do the opposite of sharing the bad ones. A Swedish proverb that goes, “Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow” captures this idea perfectly. When we share our good feelings with others, they get amplified. When we share our negative ones, they become easier to cope with.

I once noted that MS is like a magnifying glass for even the smallest illnesses, because it makes them seem bigger. But I also think that sharing about life with MS is more like looking into both ends of a telescope. Sharing joy makes everything larger and closer, but sharing sorrow is like looking through the end that makes everything appear smaller and farther away.

Apparently, I need to remind myself every four years not to feel guilty about sharing good things in my life with MS. I guess, while I’m waiting for that time to pass, I can fill it with guilt about feeling guilty, or I could just stop feeling guilty altogether. No. At this point, I don’t think that’s an option for me.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.