loss

I’m losing control. I don’t mean that I’m out of control or spiraling in that direction, but I definitely feel like I have a lot less of it these days. That’s a real problem for me because my therapist said that one of the primary issues contributing to my depression…

Due to the nature of my work in U.S. Army Special Operations, or maybe just because of the nature of me, I had a couple psychological evaluations over the years. Don’t worry, I’m perfectly normal — if “normal” means the kind of person who has the right personality for…

Hello, all. It’s been almost a year since I’ve written a column, and I missed connecting with you. I’ve been processing the grief of losing my mother in September 2020, withstanding the challenges of living with multiple sclerosis and chronic pain, and valiantly attempting to find the message…

I recently did a little research to write an article reflecting on a photograph of the Library of Celsus. This marvelous piece of architecture was commissioned by a Roman consul named Gaius Julius Aquila as a funerary monument for his father. It was once home to…

If you read my last column, you know that my Thanksgiving was eventful, to say the least. Well, it looks like Christmas is shaping up to be another banger. My father-in-law is back in the hospital, still trying to kick the infections that have knocked him flat recently. We…

It is hard to watch the decline in real time. It happens before my very eyes. Like “Groundhog Day,” I wake, I try, and I do. I persevere because that is who I am. I push past the chaos in my body. I don’t see every new pain as…

In her poem “In Blackwater Woods,” Mary Oliver concludes with 10 breathtaking lines: “To live in this world/ you must be able/ to do three things:/ to love what is mortal;/ to hold it/ against your bones knowing/ your own life depends on it;/ and, when the time comes…

Dealing with bundled change, loss, and multiple sclerosis (MS) has turned out to be more of a challenge than I could have  imagined, and I have not been very good at it. Coming to terms with the loss of a loved one is overwhelming on its…

Today is Walk MS, and for the first time since my diagnosis, I am not there. While I am not one to feel sorry for myself, this stings. I miss being among the sea of impassioned orange warriors. I miss the tears that fall as cheers accompany me through…

We endured another devastating loss this week. My beloved sister-in-law, a cancer survivor whom I affectionately called sister, passed away. Although we knew her disease was terminal, she passed away unexpectedly in her sleep. Death is never easy, and no matter how much we try, we cannot entirely prepare…

One year ago, I wrote “Grief, Self-preservation and Multiple Sclerosis.” My…

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is only a few days away. Time truly passes quickly. The holidays are bittersweet for me; I experience both joy and unrest. I believe there are others who can relate. The holiday season can be stressful and I always try to pace myself. In…

Why me? Why us? What have I done? How much loss can I endure? We’ve all been here. This was one of my weeks. The unexpected death of my nephew hurled me into this episodic gloom. I asked “What else is going to happen? Is life trying to…

Losing our independence due to multiple sclerosis is a profound loss. With that loss comes the grieving process and inevitable change. On Grief.com in “A Message from David Kessler,” he discusses the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have experienced all of these…