Coping methods

Last updated April 25, 2023 Expectations equal resentment. It’s simple logic, yet profoundly true. Each time I set an expectation for myself or someone else, I set myself up for a potential letdown. Resentment happens as a byproduct of disappointment, despite the best intentions. As my multiple sclerosis (MS)…

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” The other night I watched the movie “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and seeing the portrayal of the late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury as he faced an HIV/AIDS diagnosis brought my own MS diagnosis…

Photo courtesy of Caroline Gellatly Day 22 of 31 This is Marissa Green’s story: I am Marissa, a fundraiser, drama therapist, and mental health practitioner who loves the outdoors, cooking, music, and any excuse for a party. My original diagnosis, Balo’s concentric sclerosis, happened in…

Photo courtesy of Rebecca Anton Day 21 of 31 This is Rosani Christy’s story: My name is Rosani Christy, and I have been living with MS for over 20 years.  I have always been a class clown. Making those around me laugh gave me a high, and…

For a week, I’ve spent my afternoons painting our enclosed garden. When we built it last spring, the wood was new and lovely, but rain and sun have taken a toll on everything, leaving it dingy and dull. And now that we have a custom-built white shed (courtesy of my…

I failed the complaint challenge. The goal was to go 24 hours without complaining — no complaining about anything. Yet while the objective is commendable, a win is nearly impossible. I’m not much of a complainer, and I still fell short. I’d venture to say that many others would, too,…

I glanced at the clock: 15:51. I was relieved. For some reason, I’ve been obsessed with time lately. I’m not sure if it’s due to lockdown anxiety or the ups and downs of my multiple sclerosis, but time has…

Cheryl Hile and her husband, Brian. Photo courtesy of Michael Moberly Day 9 of 31 This is Cheryl Hile’s story: My husband jokes he knew I was a real runner when I asked him at a 10K, “Is the course accurate?” I was running fast and having…

We often focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do. This doesn’t just apply to our relationships, but to everything: our carers, our careers, our children, our homes, our cars, etc.  I often hear people wishing they had more:  “I wish…

Photo courtesy of Dan Clarke Day 7 of 31 This is Heather Russell-Kay’s story: Hi! My name is Heather and I am an actor, teacher, blogger, and support volunteer. I was diagnosed with MS just over six years ago, and for me, it…

Bravado is lost in the blink of an eye. Self-doubt erodes certitude until we find that our default modus operandi is to refuse. Opportunities, happiness, possibilities, and growth seem to pass. This no-risk mentality brings no reward. Chronic illness is a breeding ground for skepticism. We live in a world…

I know quite a few of you are dealing with copious amounts of snow right now, but there is not a speck of white stuff on the ground where I live in Atlanta. And for that, I am grateful. Why? Because I do not like snow. I do not like…

Would I jinx it? In last week’s column “How I’m Staying on Top of MS’ Many ‘Gifts,'” I wrote about being on top of all my MS-induced ancillary symptoms. Wendy, one of my two readers, pointed out that she didn’t want to jinx me. The trouble was that I’d…

I am confident. I am amazing. I am enough.  Don’t worry, I’m not getting big-headed. I say these statements to myself every day. Why? It’s part of a routine I started a few years ago, and it’s safe to say…

Optimism is kryptonite to the fear and doubt I keep inside. I am grateful for my cheerful disposition because it allows me to maintain balance. But balance is not healing. Left alone, those feelings that I fear ultimately fester. I tend to push aside sadness or frustration. I…

I have a secret. You may roll your eyes at me when you hear this one.  It’s how I juggle spending time with family and friends, running a business, and exercising while managing fatigue. If you know me, you know my secret. Or…

As hard as it is to believe, we’re now nearly a year into this pandemic. Thankfully, two vaccines are currently working their way through the system and into people’s arms in the U.S., and before 2021 is out, perhaps we’ll get back to something resembling normalcy (whatever that is). One…

Almost every characteristic of multiple sclerosis differs for each of us who has the disease. While we share commonalities inherent to multiple sclerosis that make us similar to one another, much about the way our disease manifests is unique. This is why MS is sometimes referred to as the “…

Can January March? No, but April May!  OK, well, I thought it was funny.  Nothing beats the January blues like bad puns, right? Let’s face it. For most people, January sucks. The end of the year is full of excitement. There are…

The holidays can be difficult for many reasons, but one of the things I struggle with is the breakdown of routines. The kids are home from school and spend way too much time directionless, their faces glued to one screen or another. Work slows down or stops entirely as…

Now I know what it is like to write like Jack Kerouac and Hunter S. Thompson. Not because I have their talent (if only), but due to the inescapable fact that I’m so high that the children’s Christmas kites flapping in the park are far below me! Oh, it turns…

There is something poetic about transitioning to a new year. It’s the melancholy of farewell fused with hopeful expectancy, the bittersweet juxtaposition of closing one door while opening another. Yet for a moment, I am noncommittal. With one foot in each year, I eventually shift my weight from 2020…

How do you feel at the start of a new year? I love it, because I enjoy defining my intentions and setting my goals for the coming days. Everything seems fresh and new, and the possibilities are endless. I make a point to avoid New Year’s resolutions, though.

Psalms 23 has always been my comfort when I needed respite from the hardships of life and chronic illness. My mother used to read that Bible passage to me as a child, and now it has become a cornerstone of my faith. Today, I find myself in the valley of…

I don’t know about you all, but when I first learned I had multiple sclerosis, I felt utterly powerless. Weak. Beaten down. Cornered. Cowed. Yes, I experienced all of these negative feelings (and a hundred more besides) in the first year or two after my diagnosis. But after time, I…

What would happen if you switched off all of your devices for a day? Phones, tablets, laptops, TVs — all of them switched off. Could you do it? How would it feel? What would you do instead? My…

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be…

I’m surprised I get anything done! Luckily, the parent company of Multiple Sclerosis News Today is in the U.S., so I didn’t have to write this column last week, due to Thanksgiving celebrations — even though I’m British. I also got two days off from being an MS News Today…

The holiday season has always been a time of reflection. The year passes by in a montage of memories. I am reminded of the past 11 months. The highs and the lows. My hopes and my aspirations. Those lives that have been lost and those that have just begun.

The end of the year is incredibly difficult. We already have to put up with more than others because of our MS.  In addition to that, the weather changes, the clocks turn back, and there is less sunlight, meaning vitamin…