Quality healthcare is imperative when living with a disease such as multiple sclerosis. While the operational definition of “quality” varies from person to person, I find it to be contingent on the same variable: the doctor/patient relationship. A relationship between a doctor and a patient is symbiotic. Any healthcare…
Our life experiences shape and define who we are. While some wash over us and dissipate, others leave indelible impressions. Both emotional and physical, our scars hold our past and influence our future. We are the totality of these scars and their narrative is powerful. Each is a chapter in…
Six weeks ago, Abby, my golden retriever, had a seizure. I was sitting behind her when she began to rock; I have never moved so fast. I could only see the bloodshot whites of her eyes as she whimpered lightly and I began to wail. I intuitively hugged her,…
There is no guidebook to living with a chronic, progressive, and incurable disease. Even if such a book existed, it would only be somewhat applicable, as things change on a daily basis. We are all as unique as this disease, yet have one commonality: pain. Before my multiple sclerosis…
Today is Walk MS, and for the first time since my diagnosis, I am not there. While I am not one to feel sorry for myself, this stings. I miss being among the sea of impassioned orange warriors. I miss the tears that fall as cheers accompany me through…
I spent the majority of my life as a people pleaser. From the time I was young, I equivocated “yes” with likability; please and be pleased. As the years passed, compromising my own needs became second to meeting those of others. While I genuinely enjoy…
Today, I ate a dog treat. I was eating cookies from a nearby bowl when I broke a dog treat in half for Abby. Instead of putting the other half in my pocket, I put it in my mouth and chewed. Wondering how the brand could screw up so…
I was throwing the ball for my golden retriever when it bounced onto an unreachable ledge. I watched her become antsy for a ball she could see but not reach and wondered what she would do. Her frustration gave way to a solution as she jumped from…
I am a sensitive individual by nature. Good, bad, or insignificant, that is part of my genetic makeup. I cry when the dog gets hurt in the movie, at every episode of “This Is Us,” and every time I hear “O Holy Night” at Christmas Eve services. While sometimes endearing,…
I have been contemplative these last few days, lost in thought regarding the state of the MS. I am not sad or upset, simply in observation mode. Reaching for what may have precipitated this gentle melancholy, I realize I am on the precipice of my 49th year. While MS continues…
I write in an effort to offer enlightenment. Yet, so often I find I am the one to receive an education. Such was the case with my column on relationships and MS — or more pointedly, the feedback I received. While MS has…
My favorite season is fall, which is almost tied with winter, then spring, and finally, summer. I love fall for being the beginning of the holiday season as well as for the change in temperature. Although, since moving to Southern California, it…
Relationships are work. When you add in a chronic, progressive disease, the work becomes exponential. This is not to say work is a bad thing, as we reap immense rewards when we put effort into anything. Rather, anything worth doing…
I am watching the computer curser taunt my inability to collect my thoughts. Three days out of chemotherapy, my brain is more fried than usual, the fog thick and dense. For those unfamiliar with cog fog (cognitive fog), it is a clouding…
I have always loved the start of New Year’s; tabula rasa, clean slate. Much like a snake shedding its skin, we leave behind the old and embrace the new, or at least accept such. While Dec. 31 is ripe with well-intentioned resolutions, I avoid promising myself anything simply because…
 They say a near-death experience will invoke a montage of your life in a matter of seconds. Gratefully, I have not had the experience to find out if this is indeed a truism, but I recently experienced a mini-mélange of my own. I read the mail, more specifically the…
I am tired, like beyond tired. I make tired look scintillating, and as funny as that sounds, it is anything but when trying to live your life. My spoons are numbered, and by midday, I am usually through all of them. Before you deem me crazy, I am referencing…
The Christmas season is upon us — decorations, shopping, and get-togethers dominate the month of December. If you tune into the Hallmark channel you will see this season as synonymous with love, laughter, and an abundance of cheer. With joy the prevailing theme it can be difficult to experience…
I find it incredibly ironic that the day after we pause to give thanks for whom and for what we have, we are breaking down doors and fighting one another in the name of Black Friday. While easy to proclaim in the fervency of the season among family…
Anniversaries often invoke reflection about the beginning, the journey, and where we now find ourselves. With luck, lessons will have been learned from the invariably good and bad experiences that couple any passage of time. In November 2010, I sat, eyes firmly affixed, as my neurologist read my…
Do you have pain? Although prone to subjectivity, I am certain the majority of you silently said yes. I did. I hesitated to write this, as pain, from the definition of it to the management of it, is idiosyncratic. Rather than draw hard and fast lines, I prefer to…
I love photographs and have them strewn about and framed throughout the house. From grandchildren and goldens, holidays and travels, each holds a cherished memory. I am happiest taking photos and have cultivated somewhat of a hobby doing so. As I have gotten older, I have (gratefully) discarded the…
Last Saturday, I received a FaceTime call from my father who was attending my cousin’s wedding reception. Both he and my mom traveled out of state to attend it, as did the majority of my large extended family. The happy clamor of boisterous chatter made it almost impossible…
By the grace of God, I am a naturally positive individual who lends optimism and hope to even the bleakest of situations. Because of this, it is difficult to find me in a situation when my auspicious nature tires; after all, we find out the most…
Some days are easier than others, and some days are just not easy at all. Today I find myself in the latter of the two. It’s Monday morning, and my Sunday was insane: insanely busy, insanely fun, and insanely difficult. While…
I am an avid dog lover and very involved in volunteering with the golden retriever rescue here in Southern California. On any given day, you will find my 8-year-old rescue, Abby, here along with two to three other happy golden retrievers. I may have  rescued Abby physically, but there…
I pride myself on never lending power to my limitations, but when I became the primary caretaker for my husband after he underwent hip replacement surgery, my limitations were reached. Ten days later, I am slowly emerging as a somewhat functioning individual. As with most challenges, I tend…
I find it funny when people ask how and why I am so positive and happy. Am I supposed to be sad and negative just because I have multiple sclerosis? There are certainly days when the pain and/or side effects get me down, but gratefully, these are exceptions…
I have always had the travel bug, and I’ve been to a myriad of countries and cities around the world. From far-away foreign cities to exotic beach locales, I find great pleasure in refining my cultural literacy. That refinement took a back seat after my diagnosis and subsequent…
I love getting together with family and friends, volunteering at the golden retriever rescue, attending events and keeping my calendar full. It is fulfilling to make plans, but as many of you with MS know, it is a paradox. The very plans that bring hope and happiness also…
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